I had an interesting conversation with Angel last night that really got me thinking. We often think about the different families we come from. Her parents and grandparents had minimal formal educational opportunities while mine had undergraduate and graduate degrees. Her family worked farms, machine shops, and supply chain while mine taught, did engineering, and worked in finance. Her family built their house, fixes their cars, and raised cows. Mine - didn't, doesn't, and can't. These differences are just a small part of who they individually and don't get in the way of them enjoying each other's company. I love my in-laws and Angel has told me that my parents are some of her favorite people.
The conversation got me thinking about why I am driven to know things, and to be known as a person who knows things. I always hate to acknowledge how egotistical I can be. It literally makes me wince when I think about it. Unfortunately it's true though. Just ask my wife. One of her better qualities is the ability to deflate my ego when it needs it. Regardless of periodic egocentric tendencies I have placed some measure of my self worth in being known as a person who knows stuff. I'm sure there are some positives to that, but I can't think of any right now. One giant negative is that when I remember something wrong, or am just flat out wrong about something I tend to take it rather personally. Or as one person put it I "act like someone has torn my heart out and put it in a blender." I really try not to be such a martyr, but few people understand what they look like through the eyes of others. Maybe we just need to get shot with a point of view gun (or at least those of us that are male).
I think that this emphasis that I've placed on knowing things comes from a misconception of knowing verses doing. My father went to work in a cubical, crunching numbers, building spreadsheets, and manipulating percentages (in a good way). There was very little visual representation of his efforts. To me, it must have appeared that he worked by knowing things, insubstantial things. He went to school so he could know things so he could work at knowing things. To my muddled brain "doing" something meant you had a finished product that could be used, something that you could see and manipulate to accomplish something else. "Knowing" and "doing" were two sides of a scale in my mind. Remember, that young minds tend to revolve around dualism, the idea that there is a right a wrong approach to everything - and nothing in between. One of my least favorite expressions "those that can, do; those that can't, teach." is a prime example of this dualistic thinking. As if knowing and doing are two very different things when really they are simply different manifestations of the same catalyst - productivity.
My obsession with knowing things, I believe, stems from this misconception of knowing and doing being exclusive of each other. I did not know how to "do" much. My father knows his way around a shop, can identify basic problems with a car, and has built some impressive items for our home - mostly utilitarian in design. However, because he made his living "knowing" things and because I couldn't "do" anything (ask my dad about digging window wells for him one summer) I put more emphasis on "knowing." My degree is in history, an area that is infamous for it's focus on "knowing" and not "doing." I tend to remember rather random and often useless facts and trivia. And, as pointed out, I tend to take it personally when people say I'm wrong about something that I feel that I "know" well. Not exactly a well balanced psyche if you think about it.
There is lots that I'm not talking about. In depth discussion on the similarities of knowing and doing. How I've learned to "do" many different things. The respect that I have for those that "do" (enormous!). What people in "knowing" jobs actually do. But I'm still coming to grips with reality of my skewed, subconscious preconceptions. However my brain decided that there was a bigger difference between knowing an doing I've now have to adjust my thinking accordingly. I will probably return to this topic again.
The conversation got me thinking about why I am driven to know things, and to be known as a person who knows things. I always hate to acknowledge how egotistical I can be. It literally makes me wince when I think about it. Unfortunately it's true though. Just ask my wife. One of her better qualities is the ability to deflate my ego when it needs it. Regardless of periodic egocentric tendencies I have placed some measure of my self worth in being known as a person who knows stuff. I'm sure there are some positives to that, but I can't think of any right now. One giant negative is that when I remember something wrong, or am just flat out wrong about something I tend to take it rather personally. Or as one person put it I "act like someone has torn my heart out and put it in a blender." I really try not to be such a martyr, but few people understand what they look like through the eyes of others. Maybe we just need to get shot with a point of view gun (or at least those of us that are male).
I think that this emphasis that I've placed on knowing things comes from a misconception of knowing verses doing. My father went to work in a cubical, crunching numbers, building spreadsheets, and manipulating percentages (in a good way). There was very little visual representation of his efforts. To me, it must have appeared that he worked by knowing things, insubstantial things. He went to school so he could know things so he could work at knowing things. To my muddled brain "doing" something meant you had a finished product that could be used, something that you could see and manipulate to accomplish something else. "Knowing" and "doing" were two sides of a scale in my mind. Remember, that young minds tend to revolve around dualism, the idea that there is a right a wrong approach to everything - and nothing in between. One of my least favorite expressions "those that can, do; those that can't, teach." is a prime example of this dualistic thinking. As if knowing and doing are two very different things when really they are simply different manifestations of the same catalyst - productivity.
My obsession with knowing things, I believe, stems from this misconception of knowing and doing being exclusive of each other. I did not know how to "do" much. My father knows his way around a shop, can identify basic problems with a car, and has built some impressive items for our home - mostly utilitarian in design. However, because he made his living "knowing" things and because I couldn't "do" anything (ask my dad about digging window wells for him one summer) I put more emphasis on "knowing." My degree is in history, an area that is infamous for it's focus on "knowing" and not "doing." I tend to remember rather random and often useless facts and trivia. And, as pointed out, I tend to take it personally when people say I'm wrong about something that I feel that I "know" well. Not exactly a well balanced psyche if you think about it.
There is lots that I'm not talking about. In depth discussion on the similarities of knowing and doing. How I've learned to "do" many different things. The respect that I have for those that "do" (enormous!). What people in "knowing" jobs actually do. But I'm still coming to grips with reality of my skewed, subconscious preconceptions. However my brain decided that there was a bigger difference between knowing an doing I've now have to adjust my thinking accordingly. I will probably return to this topic again.
Grandpa raised cows. He was the farm boy that showed up to the university not knowing he had to register for the classes first. . .
ReplyDeleteI always tell Moose that when the apocalypse comes that he can help people fix machines for trade while I will use my edited novels as fire starter. You can pool your research papers with mine if you want.
I figured I would just print out my long winded blog posts and use those. My plan is to head for Angel's parents.
ReplyDelete