With Valentine's Day coming tomorrow it seemed fitting to express my musings on a topic that I've had on my brain for a little while. Via Facebook, I've been introduced to Matt Walsh and his blog. While I've ready read a small of his posts, I find that I agree with what I read. I recently read two of his posts that focused on marriage. The first was a response to an anthropology professor's statement that monogamy is unnatural. The second was a confession that is something that I can agree with. I encourage people to read both of them. While I may reference either of these articles, the purpose of my musings today is simply to express my own feelings on marriage and why I think it is important.
A little background. My wife, Angel, and I have been married a few days over seven and half years as of this posting. Our courtship was literally on and off for about six months before we became engaged, marrying four months later. She was not my first fiancee. A year before I had met Angel I had been engaged to a long time girl friend from high school. After getting engaged we both realized that neither one of us was really happy about it and mutually broke it off. By the time I met Angel I had a pretty decent idea of what I as looking for in a wife after taking many different young women on dates. We currently have two kids with a third on the way. I know that my experience is pretty stereotypical for my current residence and atypical for most of the the rest of the world outside of Utah, USA.
Perhaps the best way to start this topic is to give the reasons why I married. I'm not talking about the reasons I married my wife, but rather the reasons why I sought and desired marriage. There are many people who do everything but marry. Cohabitation, self imposed bachelor / bachelorette hood, focusing on your career, are all alternatives to marriage that we see in the media and real life. So why did I marry?
First, there was the expectation. I am in full agreement with the Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints in their statement The Family: a proclamation to the world, that "marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's Plan for the eternal destiny of His children." (Sept 23 / 1995). To understand the strength of this statement understand that the Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints believes that the highest level of salvation is reserved for families - men, women, and children.
Second reason why I married, I wanted someone to share life with. Psychologists, and philosophers led by Aristotle claim "Man is by nature a social animal". We often crave society. Especially extroverts like me. This is not to say that we never want to be alone. I rather enjoy my evenings when everybody else is asleep and I can do housework, read, play the piano, or play a computer game by myself. But when I sought marriage it was to be able to have someone that would be a part of my life. I wanted someone I could serve and be served by (in the giving love way, not the butler way). I wanted someone I could talk to about anything, play games with, explore new things with. I've been to a few movies by myself and they aren't as fun. I think life is similar. Perhaps it was a movie that said it best, we want a witness to our lives.
In thinking of additional reasons, most of them have to do with my wife specifically. She was a person who made me happy, that inspired me to be better without actually trying to. I didn't want her to get away.
After we got engaged we received a torrent of advice (per the norm) and even some criticism ("Too young, too early, good luck." - an actual card we received for our wedding). There was a lot of advice to help us "through the hard times." It occurred to us that a decent amount of the attention on marriage was on the negative aspects of it. We decided that we would do our best to avoid that and encourage newlyweds. Whenever I hear of an upcoming wedding I tell the couple, "Congratulations! Marriage was the best decision I ever made." I mean that sincerely and honestly. We've worked hard on our marriage - it hasn't always been easy - but it has been worth it. We take great pride in the fact that on our seventh anniversary and again four months after that we were asked how long we had been married. We smiled and replied, "7 years and we have two kids." It's good to be taken for newlyweds every now and then.
A little background. My wife, Angel, and I have been married a few days over seven and half years as of this posting. Our courtship was literally on and off for about six months before we became engaged, marrying four months later. She was not my first fiancee. A year before I had met Angel I had been engaged to a long time girl friend from high school. After getting engaged we both realized that neither one of us was really happy about it and mutually broke it off. By the time I met Angel I had a pretty decent idea of what I as looking for in a wife after taking many different young women on dates. We currently have two kids with a third on the way. I know that my experience is pretty stereotypical for my current residence and atypical for most of the the rest of the world outside of Utah, USA.
Perhaps the best way to start this topic is to give the reasons why I married. I'm not talking about the reasons I married my wife, but rather the reasons why I sought and desired marriage. There are many people who do everything but marry. Cohabitation, self imposed bachelor / bachelorette hood, focusing on your career, are all alternatives to marriage that we see in the media and real life. So why did I marry?
First, there was the expectation. I am in full agreement with the Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints in their statement The Family: a proclamation to the world, that "marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's Plan for the eternal destiny of His children." (Sept 23 / 1995). To understand the strength of this statement understand that the Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints believes that the highest level of salvation is reserved for families - men, women, and children.
In the celestial glory there are three heavens or degrees; and in order to obtain the highest, a man must enter into this order of the priesthood [meaning the new and everlasting covenant of marriage]; and if he does not, he cannot obtain it. He may enter into the other, but that is the end of his kingdom; he cannot have an increase. (Doctrine and Covenants 131:1-4)I'm not going to get into the theology of that for the sake of time and space, but the understanding is that marriage is key to the great plan of our Heavenly Father. As a faithful and believing member of the Church Jesus Christ of latter-day saints, this is a very, very compelling reason to seek a companion to spend my life and eternity with. Our church receives fire for young marriages with short engagements. Some critics claim that it's because we believe in abstaining from sexual activity prior to marriage. Since we've been "sexually repressed" we marry young in order to fulfill those basic needs. I'm not discounting that hypothesis, but I think it's weak in the light of our theology. Marriage is nothing to rush into and nothing to put off. Some may claim that such a doctrine may seem unfair, chauvinistic, or even cruel seeing how there are millions of people who don't marry or can't marry. In answer to that, we believe that any commandment that God gives has a way for it to be fulfilled. God is just and everyone will have an opportunity to receive the highest level of salvation.
Second reason why I married, I wanted someone to share life with. Psychologists, and philosophers led by Aristotle claim "Man is by nature a social animal". We often crave society. Especially extroverts like me. This is not to say that we never want to be alone. I rather enjoy my evenings when everybody else is asleep and I can do housework, read, play the piano, or play a computer game by myself. But when I sought marriage it was to be able to have someone that would be a part of my life. I wanted someone I could serve and be served by (in the giving love way, not the butler way). I wanted someone I could talk to about anything, play games with, explore new things with. I've been to a few movies by myself and they aren't as fun. I think life is similar. Perhaps it was a movie that said it best, we want a witness to our lives.
In thinking of additional reasons, most of them have to do with my wife specifically. She was a person who made me happy, that inspired me to be better without actually trying to. I didn't want her to get away.
After we got engaged we received a torrent of advice (per the norm) and even some criticism ("Too young, too early, good luck." - an actual card we received for our wedding). There was a lot of advice to help us "through the hard times." It occurred to us that a decent amount of the attention on marriage was on the negative aspects of it. We decided that we would do our best to avoid that and encourage newlyweds. Whenever I hear of an upcoming wedding I tell the couple, "Congratulations! Marriage was the best decision I ever made." I mean that sincerely and honestly. We've worked hard on our marriage - it hasn't always been easy - but it has been worth it. We take great pride in the fact that on our seventh anniversary and again four months after that we were asked how long we had been married. We smiled and replied, "7 years and we have two kids." It's good to be taken for newlyweds every now and then.
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